Quads for a While

A highlight of growing up on a family compound of sorts was that each of my twelve cousins would eventually make their way to Grandmama's house. Although Lee & Rod, the sons of my Mom' oldest brother, always lived outside of Alabama, each Summer they would come to stay at Grandmama's for a month. My little sister and I loved the arrival of our older cousins because the testosterone they brought led to epic games of Hide & Seek, flashlight tag and the occasional fig war (which resulted in baseboard cleaning at Grandmama's.)

After years of very little communication, Rod & I reconnected a few years ago via facebook. He's been in New Mexico for several years now. Months ago he shared how much of a touchstone to his childhood (and feelings of Southern roots) those weeks in Alabama had been. Out of those sweet memories, a plot was hatched for his only child, B, to come and experience some "Southern exposure" this Summer.

She arrived Sunday for a three week stint with our family...and she has quickly become a 'quad.'

 

Nine and a half years ago when the ultrasound revealed three babies, there was an instant where we thought there might be one more. Many times since I have wondered if we would always just be a party of five. It is fun to spend a season with one more around the family table--and an extra to tuck in at night.

 

In 48 hours we've swam, canoed, caught lightening bugs, water gun battled, painted toes, played with hair, visited the pet store and generally had a tree house, bike riding, Summery time. We have a very full agenda over the next three weeks. B may even be saying ya'll & "Roll Tide" by the time we return her to Santa Fe. :-)

 

I am learning to prepare an extra plate, count an additional head and appreciate what yet another spunky little one adds to our mix.  

 

Here's to family traditions, far away cousins and adventure! (and maybe even a little rest in the mix :)

26 Sentences: The Blessing of Heart Focused Discipline

Much like his Mama, two of the strongest aspects of my R's personality are his passion and his verbal skills. I learned a long time ago that every strength overdone becomes a weakness. So much of growing up involves learning to manage our gifts.

 

I also learned with this particular little person that trying to talk things out in the heat of the moment tends to escalate the situation. A few months ago sentence writing became my disciplinary choice for his disrespectful outbursts. I usually write the Bible verses and/or sentences for him to copy...reminders not just of behavior modifications, but of his identity and God's ability. This afternoon I tasked him with writing his own sentences.

 

The result is perhaps the greatest glimpse into the developing theology of a 9 year old boy I could expect to get. (I have translated below the photo.)

 

1. I will not argue.
2. I won't talk back.
3. I love God and he loves me back.
4. I must not yell.
5. I must not argue.
6. Follow your parents.
7. Follow your dreams if they lead to good deeds.
8. Say things that are good not bad.
9. You are a good kid.
10. Your parents know what's right.
11. I am a child of God.
12. Follow God things instead of Satan.
13. You are loved.
14. You have a good life, don't make it bad.
15. Use your self control when you need it.
16. You have a plan to follow God.
17. God has a plan for you.
18. I am a God follower.
19. God is my Father.
20. You are never alone God is with you.
21. God is watching.
22. You can do anything through God.
23. God must be my master.
24. I am a son of God.
25. God has big plans for me.    (and the final one he added as a bonus... ;-)
26. God has a plan. His plan shall not perish or you will not go to a happy life.

There is SO much I could write...but the bottom line is this:  Truth is being planted in his heart...even though his actions don't always seem to reflect it. I can totally relate.

The beauty of godly, heart focused discipline is that I felt closer to my son after this experience than I would have had I chosen to simply ignore his behavior. And I was blessed by the reminder that the Lord is actively working in our hearts and lives!

Does God Care About the Little Stuff?

The camp my daughter is attending has a rich history with my town. Founded by the grandmother of a close friend, it is currently run by a different family from my church. As a result, we have existing relationships with a dozen counselors/staff/campers. While I am hopeful K stretches her wings and meets many new friends this week, there is a certain measure of comfort in knowing there are familiar faces on her adventure.

 

One such face belongs to the daughter of a friend. The trio and I have literally been writing letters to HJ at camp for several Summers. What a sweet surprise to find that as a Leader Trainee this year she was randomly assigned to my girl's cabin to help with activities! In the first photo I saw of my girl on the camp website Sunday night she was curled up in HJ's lap during cabin time. It warmed my heart and brought peace.

 

Investing in others often pays precious dividends. Certainly my letter writing to HJ years ago was never done from a sense of how it would benefit me later. It never occurred to me that the 3rd grader I wrote back then would one day be the tender young lady holding my 3rd grader's hand in my absence. Such is the beautiful nature of community. Pouring into people often results in an overflow from their hearts and lives benefitting others-- a cycle of blessing. What a bonus to see the impact on people you love dearly! 

 

And then there was the afternoon conversation several weeks ago, when K came home telling me how she'd learned about some of the camp traditions from a friend whose older sister has attended Skyline.

"There are three clubs and they each have a color. I know girls in all three, but I really want to be a Ranger because blue's my favorite color."

She went on to excitedly tell me how she and her friend had devised a plan to make sure she got to be blue.

"I am just going to peek a little when I reach in to draw a bead, so I can make sure I get blue," she reported without hesitation.

It became clear that until she saw the look on my face, she had not made the connection that this was cheating and morally wrong. We had a chat and decided instead of trying to manipulate circumstances to get what we want (an age old struggle most of us can identify with), we would start praying about it--thanking God in advance for whatever club she was going to wind up drawing. Yet, even on the drive to camp she mentioned how much she hoped she got blue.  

 

Monday night around 11pm I got a text from a dear friend (and mama of the friend with whom K had originally hatched the bead plot). It included a screenshot from that evening's camp pictures: 

My girl (on the left, under all the paraphernalia), HJ, and my sweet friend's daughter...all dressed in blue. Full circle.

Surely the photographer had no idea what a treasured lesson he had just captured on film. I have grinned about the sweetness of God for two days. Not because she got what she wanted, but because she got this lesson. She didn't cheat. She prayed for a month, trusting Him. And, yes, this time she got the desire of her heart.

I have asked myself if the God of the Universe really cares about plastic camp beads...and I still don't know the answer. What I do believe with every fiber of my being is that He absolutely cares for the heart of the one wearing them. God is pursuing my girl. He wants her to know and love Him--and I think He met her where she was, focused on cheap plastic beads. I believe this because He has mercifully met me in some equally frivolous places before.

K & I have this story to file away in our hearts the next time we are tempted to snatch away the reigns and take matters into our hands. When instead of beads it is an ill loved one, a broken relationship, a big decision, we can remember His care even when it came to plastic blue beads. He is the God of it all and worthy of our trust.

He will not always give her what she wants. He loves her too much for that! But this time, He did...and we will give Him all the glory...not even because of the outcome, as much as for the story planted deep in her heart.

Updated Thursday to add: Just got my first letter from camp. Grinned my face off at her second sentence. "I didn't peek."

From the Mouths of Babes (Summer Camp Edition)

We dropped our curly girl off at camp Sunday morning.

It's only been 36 hours, but some sweet memorable comments have been made. The night before she left, K said to me, "The first thing I need to do when I get to camp is find a funny friend who can make me laugh the way P does."
And it melted my heart.

While the only thing R has said about her is that he misses having "a real competitor in MarioKart" this hastily written letter reveals a little more sweetness underneath.

Translation:

"Violets are red,

roses are blue,

grass is green

so we miss you

because you are the sunshine of our family."

Absence seems to indeed make the heart grow fonder. I hope all this love continues when she gets home. :-)

And while this has absolutely nothing to do with camp, it's too amusing not to share. Over lunch Sunday P made this face.

As my husband & I giggled we asked how he learned to do that. He replied (completely seriously), "It's my gift. God gave Tommy the gift of being able to play the piano by ear and He gave me the gift of being able to do THIS."

Glory to God indeed. :)

Summer Week One: A Different Kind of Harvest

When I think about this season of parenthood, I think it can most aptly be described as raising an apple, an orange and an artichoke...all in the same garden at the same time.

 

Same age. Same eyes. Same last name. Same school. Different strengths and weaknesses. Various talents. Assorted interests. Unique challenges. I cannot expect each member of my trio to respond to life in the same way any more than I could expect an apple seed to sprout an artichoke.

 

I love all three SO VERY much--but they each bring a very different flavor to my life. Laughter. Patience. Humility. Deep Thought. Sanctification.

 

I was recently reflecting on how K's steady temperament has been used by the Lord to counter my excitability. She gets me in a way that defies her age. I can tell by the look on her face when I am heading off the rails. She (somewhat maddeningly) doesn't flinch.

God is using her to teach me about the blessing of consistency & joy. 

R's need to be heard and understood is a mirror into the soul struggle of my life. Our love is feisty and fierce. He's so strong--and he reminds me of a young me. I want to save him from some lessons I had to learn the hard way, but of course, he is too much like me to listen. We have spent years praying together for self control.

God is using R to teach me about courage and loyalty.

 

God gave me P as an ever present reminder to never give up. His struggle to learn patience despite challenges has required me to pay renewed attention to mine.

When I want to give up, I think about P. God's used him to teach me endurance.

His dry sense of humor and tender heart bring much joy to my life.

 

As curator of the garden where they are planted, I am kept constantly on my toes by the fact that they have different needs as they grow. This one more watering, that one more pruning, the other more time and space to mature. I did not create them, nor can I control their growth. It is simply mine to provide a healthy setting for their development, to tend to them through changing seasons/conditions and remove impediments that might choke them out.

 

I sigh and pray God will keep me mindful.

 

Frankly, all these competing needs in same aged packages can make the school year exhausting. But Summer is a precious time to let each explore their interests more fully than the hectic nature of a school day/homework schedule will allow.

 

This week R has been enjoying tennis camp, while K participated in an equestrian program. P chose to stay home and bond a bit with me.

An apple, an orange and an artichoke...each grew measurably this week through rain and sunshine. I am looking quite forward to several more weeks of this kind of Summer gardening! 

 

Preparing for Camp

I am knee deep in packing my girl for her first sleep-away camp. With only three more days until her departure, I have ironed labels into every fabric article and taken a sharpie to everything else. We've folded, rolled, ziplocked and smashed as much as her purple footlocker can hold. Yet, I am reminded daily of other things I need to add to her supplies--or insure she knows how to handle.

It occurred to me today as I was making another WalMart run that this experience is quite a metaphor for parenting. We plan. We discuss. We try to learn from the experiences of those who have gone before us. We compare notes with other parents. We read the suggestions/guidelines. We make/modify/check lists. Yet, no matter how much we plan (ahem, worry) we simply cannot anticipate every need or scenario. At some point we have to exhale and send them off--trusting that God has much more in store for our offspring than what we alone can provide.

I will never forget a comment my friend L. made last year when her daughter returned from her first camp: "It was incredible. She came back having gotten something I didn't even know she needed." Beautifully humbling.

This, of course, is the reason for sending...a tiny release that allows little developing wings to practice. A trust exercise for Mama & Daddy, reminding us that she is His first. This is only the beginning of many adventures she will likely have without us present.

She is ecstatic. After packing for two straight hours Monday she skipped through the house singing, "I feel confident!" I think she is far more ready than I am.

Our curly girl won't be here to tuck in for six nights. We will certainly miss her terribly, but are thrilled for her adventure and cannot wait to hear her stories and to see what God has in store!

A Little Salty...

A few weeks ago Sophie AKA BooMama was kind enough to send me a copy of her new book A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet. I have long appreciated the sweet spirit, humility and laughter Sophie brings to the blogging world. I rejoiced with the knowledge that her book would bring more of that to a broader audience. I was thrilled to dig in.

Trouble is, it was the last few weeks of school and my life got crazy!! Many days I didn't stop to read my calendar or email, much less a pleasure book. So, my Mama borrowed--devoured it in a day and then passed it to my Grandmama, who also read it in a day. And now I am more than a little behind!But in honor of the official book release today, I thought the least my female lineage could do is pass along their reviews. :-) Here's what a couple of generations of Alabama ladies had to say.

First from my Mom:
I totally related to the salty to cut the sweet.  My daddy always ate his desert mid meal because he would have to have a little something after the desert to get the "sweet taste out of his mouth." 

The part about the grandmother always having a box of light bulbs on tap is Momma all over.  She always has a burnt bulb that needs replacing and just hates to ask you to replace it (or not mentioned specifically in the book- TV that remote doesn't work, closed caption has gone out, etc.), but always "preparing" for the biggest spreads and heaven help if you say "don't go to that trouble." It makes her happy. 

It thrills me to no end that Mom then passed the book to her "Momma," my Grandmama, who wrote her remarks on the front page of the book. :-)

 

 Here's the translation:

Before I read the first page, I was hearing my Mama say "I need something salty after the sweet."  Nostalgia in plenty for an 88 year old.  Unbelievable that this came to me the very week that my grandson (from New Mexico) brought his 8 year old daughter because he wanted to give her some "southern exposure."  I loved each chapter.  Thanks for the opportunity to "get in on the ground floor" of this fascinating, Christian-inspired book of memories.

-Betty Dobbs

Now I need to catch up...but I already appreciate the sweet nostalgia and storytelling this book has sparked within my own family.